If you are a married woman with a not so squeaky clean past, then please do not text my husband. I don’t care if you are family. 

I am not threatened by you. I am not jealous of you. I do not worry about my husband’s actions when/if he is to respond. I simply feel SO sorry for you. You ruined your first marriage with infidelity. You just about destroyed your second married for the same reason! You aren’t about to start in on my family. Clearly you are desperate, empty and seeking attention. You need Jesus lady.

As a married woman, I would NEVER text another woman’s husband. EVER. There is NO need for that.

If you want to talk to him, you can send him an email to our join account. OR you can call ME and we can Facetime you or something. Seriously.

Oh and when my husband doesn’t respond to your text, that means he doesn’t want to talk to you. Don’t keep texting him. It makes you look so dumb.  Maybe I’ll just forward these right along to your husband if things don’t stop. See, my husband is honest and transparent with me. I know every time you text him. Does your husband know the same? 

And to think… you and I were just starting to be better than ever. 

When you get married, just go ahead and resolve yall will NOT PLAY GAMES. I’m not talking about Monopoly or Apples to Apples… I’m talking about mind games. IT GETS YOU NOWHERE. 

Playing the “who can be the most cold hearted” game SUCKS. For all of those involved. No one likes to be hurt by the one they love, nor do they ever feel good about getting ‘revenge’. At the end of the day, playing mind games has put more and more distance between both of you…. waiting for  someone to “cave in” can be exhausting. Tell me, would you truly appreciate an apology if you knew you had bullied your spouse into saying it? 

I am SO thankful that Brian and I decided on this before we got married. I am appreciative of our honesty and bluntness when it comes to those not so peachy days. A potentially wasted day can be saved by just saying “I’m not going to play games with you. I’m sorry. I love you.” 

Love is better shown than spoken. 

When you pray to God, ‘break my heart for what breaks Yours’, He will. 

My heart is literally shattered after talking to a co-worker on her views of life, relationships, dating, sex and marriage. What hurts the most is that I used to have the same exact views as she did, but because of the Glory of the Lord, my eyes were opened to His plan for us. His GOOD plan for our lives! 

I have absolutely no judgements against her. How could I? I used to be her. It’s just that I KNOW without a doubt in my mind that God has and wants more for her life! He doesn’t want to just give her good things, but the BEST! She is His child and He wants to shower down blessings and peace and joy into her life….but the walls are up. Society has told her what is ‘normal’ and what is ‘acceptable’. In today’s world it is almost impossible to go against the grain… so I pray now, BEGGING God to allow her eyes & the eyes of others to be opened. For other young Christians to be BOLD with their faith and be okay with not being normal. Because in case you haven’t noticed…. normal isn’t working people!!!! 

Be a generation worth the cross. Be a lady worth fighting for. Be a man worth your family’s honor.

DON’T BE NORMAL!

Vows. Some are poetically written to sound so eloquent and flow smoothly off each partner’s lips. Others are short, sweet, and to the point. No matter what vows come out of your mouth, it really is the vows that are attached to your heart and soul that matter. 

You can promise someone anything and everything you THINK you are ready to offer them. But REALITY CHECK we are: sinners. We will F.A.I.L. We are selfish, self righteous human beings that suck at imitating Jesus. And when you get MARRIED all of that is MAGNIFIED by a million. Marriage is a wonderful way to display the Gospel, and to love how Christ loves the Church. BUT who can do that on a daily basis? Better yet, who can do that on an hourly basis? Not me. I am SO quick to point fingers and place the blame, but just as Jesus said in the Bible, “If any of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” <John 8:7>

Who am I and where does this prideful nature come from? My heart is ridiculously deceitful. I wish Satan would just go back to Hell and leave me, my thoughts, my attitude and my ego alone. I am a SINNER, washed by the blood of the lamb. Not saved by anything I have done, but by the blood-stained cross of Jesus Christ who died BECAUSE OF ME. I have to remember He was on that cross because of me. I am no better than anyone. I am in desperate need of my Savior. Break my heart Lord, bring me to my knees. Teach me and grow me in this time of desperation God! Mold me into who You want me to be.

Dating was never my strong suit. Or rather, I was good at getting a guy, but they didn’t always stick around. So what was I doing wrong? How could I change my dating tendencies to help find “the one”? 

I asked a couple of girlfriends in college what they did to get in and stay in their stable relationship. A lot of them said the familiar “compromise, be fun, don’t be jealous” phrase. But one friend of mine threw me completely off. She told me that there was no physical contact between her and her boyfriend. Say WHAT? She began to explain to me her view on dating, how she and her boyfriend set boundaries and how that led to their strong relationship. After I heard everything she put on the table I said something along the lines of “yeah, I might try that” and left knowing I would NEVER be able to follow her lead. After some time and another failed relationship I was again thinking about what I was doing wrong. I was reminded of the conversation with this said friend. I must have mulled over her suggested boundaries in my head a thousand times. “How can she be dating someone and not even kiss them?” “Why are they “dating” if they don’t even go on one-on-one dates?” “I like to be touched, and held and cuddled, what’s so wrong with that?” But… clearly whatever I was doing wasn’t working out for me. So I decided to actually try this whole boundaries thing. 

Side note: If you choose to believe in God or not, this STILL applies to you. If you believe in Jesus Christ then this is a GREAT way for you to set healthy boundaries for your heart, and a way for you to help keep your potential husband from sinning. If you don’t believe in God or what the church stands for, these boundaries STILL apply to you simply bc of how men are built. Men are men; they see in black and white, I promise this is life changing for them too.

So… setting up boundaries? I had never done that before. I didn’t even know where to start.

First I thought about things I knew I wanted out of a relationship: a husband. I wasn’t looking to date anymore. I wanted a man who was ready to commit, settle down and have a family with me.

Second I thought about things I knew really screwed up my past relationship: physical touch. So for me, I absolutely love being held, or kissed. I love falling alseep with someone… it makes me feel safe, which most girls can relate to. But the problem was always the same. Just because I felt safe and secure in that moment, doesn’t mean “he” feels the same way. It doesn’t mean “he” was ready to marry me. I had to figure out where I needed to stop physically so that my head stayed clear, and didn’t fall back into the emotional side of things rather than the realistic side of the relationship. For me, that was kissing. I cannot kiss someone without there being some sort of emotional attachment. I get butterflies, and can’t stop smiling, and tend to fantasize about a future that is completely far-fetched. And we all know that kissing leads to other things. Don’t even try to justify it… it does. 

I decided that I could not kiss the next man I dated. If he wasn’t down with that, then well.. he wasn’t going to be my husband anyway. And if he was okay with my boundaries, then that was a START. If he could actually respect them would be a whole other story. 

So the search began for Mr. Right. A guy who would want to get to know me for me and not for what he was going to get at the end of the night. Enter: Brian :) 

Brian had a past similar to mine. Never really thought twice about boundaries before, dated around, not really taking anything to seriously. We were introduced by mutual friends and started hanging out in groups. When he found out about my boundaries he pulled me aside and asked “So… I heard you don’t kiss boys?” haha This was my moment. He was SO cute, definitely my type, going somewhere in life… I had to decide if I was going to lie and “act cool” or stick to my guns and explain to him why I made this decision. I took a chance and said “Yep. I’m tired of dating little boys who don’t know what they want. I’m looking for a man to marry and I think this is the way I’m going to find him” (Or something along those lines…this was a year+ ago) He was stunned to say the least. I honestly thought after that night I would never see him again. But I was wrong :) 

Less than a year after we started dating we were husband and wife :) For the first two months of our relationship, we spent the majority of our time with other couples, or at my house with my family. I didn’t want to go on one-on-one dates until I knew I could trust myself with these boundaries. Plus, this was a great way for other people to see us interact and let me know if they saw red flags. I didn’t want to waste my time with another non-husband so being around other people really allowed transparency. Once we became official “boyfriend/girlfriend” or “exclusive” whatever you call it these days…. only then was he allowed to hold my hand. People… we did not kiss for the first four months of our relationship!!! It was so hard… like torturous, but man it was SO worth it. After four months of dating, and no physical contact, the man will either bounce bc you aren’t easy enough, or actually be so intrigued he stays around for you. Brian and I actually got to KNOW each other! There were no awkward goodbyes after dates, he never tried to “put the moves on me” in a movie theater…. I found a man who actually respected my boundaries and fell in love with the woman I am, not what I can do bc I’m a woman. And can I tell you how GREAT the sex was as a MARRIED couple?!?! Yep.. we waited for that too. And daggum it was so freaking worth it. 

I am in no way saying you HAVE to do this to find a husband. Clearly, people get married everyday that in no way shape or form have boundaries. I’m not saying that you have to follow my boundaries. What I AM suggesting, is that you examine your love life, what you want and what’s not working. I can say that from being around other married couples, I honestly think Brian and I have a stronger foundation than most. (All the Glory goes to God!) Women truly underestimate the power sex or any physical act has over a relationship. Be a woman worth fighting for! Be different than any other girl he has dated. Respect yourself. Love yourself enough so he has no choice but to fall in love with you. 

Brian told me that because I set boundaries he was instantly more attracted to me than he was to any other girl. Not only because he “couldn’t have me”, but because I knew my own value. It made him want to be a better guy, a better boyfriend, etc

And, I cannot tell you how much this has helped AFTER we got married. Knowing that he loved me for me and not physical acts is so reassuring!  When you are on your lady time and aren’t going to have sex for a few days, you know he isn’t going to go running to someone else. You know that because he WAITED months for you! What is a couple of days? You know that when you are out of town the chances of him cheating on you are slim to none. Why? Because he treasures the woman YOU are and still remembers what it was like kissing you for the first time after months of dating. He knew you intimately before you kissed, why would he hook up with some stranger he doesn’t even know? 

PLEASE think about these things when you start a new relationship or are working on the one you are in now. As a woman you were made with infinite dignity value and worth! And the best part is… if you and your next bf decide to break up… then no harm done! No sexual sin to worry about and carry over into your next relationship! That should be enough incentive to do it right there! :)

Ladies, I LOVE you! I don’t want anything from you, just something FOR you! 

If I could go back and do it all again…… Would I? Would you? 

Being married is one of the most incredible experiences God has ever blessed me with. You think you know what marriage is going to be like until you actually get into it, and find out the depths and wondrous levels of love that marriage has to offer. But…. (there is always a but right?) But… How much I love my marriage, is how much I absolutely am repulsed by my past. When you have someone, that has committed their life and their love to you, as a natural instinct you want nothing more than to nurture that love and help it grow even further. There is only ONE thing that hinders that growth… your past.

So I think to myself, what could I have done differently? What am I going to teach my children about dating and marriage when they are still young? 

Here are 10 common “suggestions” we hear growing up about dating:

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Leave your ex boyfriends and girlfriends alone. I’m sure you’re very trustworthy. Aren’t we all? The thing is, there’s absolutely no reason to test it. Your husband and your marriage are more valuable than any friendship. Any friendship that troubles the marriage should be over immediately. Protect it with knives and teeth, not because it’s fragile but because it’s precious. Don’t ass around with a “hall pass” or a “harmless flirtation.” Adultery isn’t an event, it’s a process with an event at the end. Don’t put your feet on a path that could lead someplace bad.

60 days. Two months. 

In those two months Brian and I have gotten married, PCSed, and started a life in Hawaii. I thought I would share what I have learned, and how I have changed from these three events in just 60 days….

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Man, oh man… You would think reaching a compromise with someone you love is easy. 50/50 everyone wins right? I’m learning that even in a marriage, compromise is still hard. It all boils down to pride. The devil constantly whispers lies telling you how YOUR opinion matters more, and YOU deserve this, or better yet, you aren’t loved unless you get YOUR way. THIS IS FALSE There is nothing wrong with having your own opinion, there is nothing wrong with voicing your opinion, but at the end of the day, when you sit down with your husband you start to think… I’m holding the hands that work hard every day to provide for me…. I am sitting under a roof that he not only provided, but constantly works to keep for his family…I am full after a meal that he helped cook…I am staring into the same eyes I said my vows to…I am having a discussion with a man who doesn’t want to control me or force his opinion, but reach a happy medium with me….How in the world can I put my wants before his? I will gladly compromise, happily compromise if it means my best friend, my favorite answered prayer is happy and satisfied with our life together. Is this being weak? No. This is true love.